I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
