hell yes lets make some ravioli
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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