he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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