So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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