Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
