Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
