Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
