the day after is always just damage control
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
