I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
