i would punch a child for taco bell
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
