You're so nebulous sometimes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have already put on my inside pants.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
