i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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