I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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