its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
