to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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