i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
