naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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