I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
