STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
