I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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