I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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