I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
