Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
