Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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