Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When are your genitals available?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
