Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
