I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
