Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
