It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
did i just pee glitter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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