This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
