It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
