So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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