Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
