she was so not down for the gang bang
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Green mimosas i think yes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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