I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
