what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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