It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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