so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
