omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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