apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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