I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
