I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
