i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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