yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
