please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
