I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
