you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
