I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
