I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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