Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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